


butterfly effect

by doubleknot



Series: Hello, Strange Place [1]
Category: CIX (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Butterfly Effect, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, just my take on the first eps of the film series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 07:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21388702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubleknot/pseuds/doubleknot
Summary: "what are you doing?""are you crazy?"
Series: Hello, Strange Place [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1541959
Kudos: 26





	butterfly effect

**Author's Note:**

> please read this at your own risk. this does involve self-harm and suicide attempts so tread lightly. suicidal thoughts and depression are very serious issues that bring down and tear apart many people. please do not be afraid to reach out for help if you are dealing with any of these things.

the halls and classes buzz with life. groups of students clump together around desks as they gossiped in hushed whispers about what they had done over the weekend, about what they had seen at a party, or about what they had heard had happened to the so and so's relationship. friends laugh and shout as they chased each other out of classrooms and down the hallway. everyone was so energetic and happy even if it was monday. it was odd. not exactly what one would expect from a bunch of teenagers at seven in the morning on a monday in school. maybe they were all still filled with that weekend excitement.

jinyoung paid it no mind though as he made his way to his homeroom. he just wanted to sit down and see if he could manage to at least get a quick nap in before classes started. he hated that the weekend was over but he was honestly glad to be back at school. he was glad to be able to go about a routine that he was comfortable with once again. the teen quietly makes his way into his homeroom, wanting to go unnoticed and be left alone for just a few minutes.

his homeroom is just like all of the other classes; teens crowded around desks or standing by the windows as they gossip, their voices nothing but soft whispers and muffled giggles. there were many students scattered about as they sat with their heads down in an attempt to get just a few more minutes of sleep. going unnoticed doesn't seem like it's going to be a hard thing to accomplish so he doesn't hesitate to cut down one of the many rows of desks to get to his assigned seat. no one bothers to pay any attention to him for which he's glad. he huffs softly as he drops down into wooden chairs, leaning back as he allows himself to relax for just a moment instead of napping. 

his definition of relaxing though is odd. many people like to daydream when they relax. others like to read. some like to play on their phones or talk to friends. people even try to nap to relax. not bae jinyoung though. jinyoung likes to observe. he likes watching people be in their own little worlds as they keep to themselves and act up their own habits and reflexes. it's odd but nice. 

not too far away from him, only two rows over and a desk back, sits yonghee. the normally sweet and gentle boy is hunched over his desk as his head hangs low. his face aches as a fresh patch of scrapes decorated with a bruise seems to have bloomed across his left cheek and bruise settles against the corner of his mouth. kim yonghee is not a stranger to things like this but that doesn't make them hurt any less. his once happy eyes are dark and empty as they stare at the paper in front of him.

he had gotten his test back with a big, red _f_ written across the top right-hand corner glaring right at him. all of his answers had either been marked as wrong or incomplete. tears sting at his eyes as they well up but he refuses to let them fall. he can't cry. not here, not now, not ever. crying was pathetic. or at least that's what his parents have told him. it's what they always tell him whenever he's on the verge of tears because of their cruel hands and harsh words.

crying may be pathetic but failing tests are way worse. yonghee feels his chest tighten and his stomach tie itself in knots as he thinks about what will happen once he gets home after school. going home with an 'f' truly feels like a death sentence to the teen. he stares at the paper until it becomes blurry because of his unshed tears. he _cannot_ go home with a failed test in hand. he just can't.

he seems to be running on autopilot as he tugs his watch off, letting it drop down onto his desk with a soft **_thud_**. the shaking boy turns his arm over and just stares. he stares at his wrist that is marred with old, deep fading scars. the scars seems to stare back at him. yonghee just stares and stares. he remembers when he made those scars; he had made them with the intent to end his own life but he had never succeeded any of the times. maybe, just maybe this time will be different though. 

nimble fingers tremble as they reach into an unzipped pencil case and curl around something hard and heavy. he's silent as he pulls out what he had been looking for; a new box cutter that he had bought months ago with the thought that he would put it to good use one day. today seems to be that day. he's certain no one is paying attention to him, anyone hardly ever does, so he listens to the click of the blade as he pushes it out of the plastic encasing. he can do this, he can do this, _he can do this. doing this is better than going home with a bad grade._

he's shaky but unhesitating as he takes the angled blade to his soft skin. the sharp metal slices through it like it's paper. doing this use to hurt when he first attempted something like this but now it doesn't phase him. it's just another form of pain that seems like nothing to how his parents treat him. he cuts once, twice, and then the third time he digs the blade deeper just because he knows he can get away with it.

apparently he's wrong because suddenly he's being kicked out of his seat. people yelp and scream all around the classroom whenever he lands on the floor. he just blinks rapidly as he sits there, the box cutter still clutched tightly in his hand. bae jinyoung looms over him with a deep scowl etched across his face. had someone really been paying attention to him this whole time? 

yonghee tries to haul himself up off the ground whenever he realizes that jinyoung is trying to stop him. his free hand grasps at his seat as he pushes himself up. he refuses to let someone stop him from doing this. he doesn't want to leave this school alive. he isn't going to. he can't. but jinyoung seems to have other things in mind

strong fingers curl around the collar of his uniform shirt, fisting the material in his hand tightly. the teen just sputters as he gets dragged to the back of the room. everyone seems to be rushing away from them; none of them want to be near the pissed teen and the seemingly crazy boy that's holding a box cutter. none of them want to miss the possible drama either. yonghee's breaths turn uneven and shaky whenever he realizes that all eyes are on him and that now he's going to be the talk of the whole school. 

he doesn't have time to dwell on this thought because jinyoung slams him into cubbies that lined the wall of the back of class. white, hot pain spreads throughout his side but yonghee doesn't even flinch. he pants as he tries to stand straight. jinyoung seems to be practically vibrating as he stands mere inches from the other. his face is suddenly in yonghee's as he glares at him. the upset teen expects to be cursed at, to be told he's pathetic, or that he needs to die but the other catches him off guard.

"what are you doing?"

jinyoung is angry and his tone is harsh but for some reason, he sounds concerned. yonghee finds that he can't bring himself to answer. he just clutches the box cutter tighter instead. jinyoung seems to notice because suddenly he's yanking the thing out of his hand and throws it onto the floor with a loud clatter. yonghee can't help but wonder if it's broken. people are gathering outside the doorway. students yell and gasp in shock but their exclamations fall upon deaf ears. 

jinyoung shoves him into the cubbies once again. he doesn't fight back though. he knows better than to fight back. he's been punished too many times from trying to fight back in the past so he just takes it. he lets himself be shoved around because he thinks that it's his only option.

"are you crazy?"

jinyoung is yelling now and it frightens yonghee. this was the reaction that he had been expecting. why couldn't jinyoung have left him alone? why couldn't he have just let him kill himself? why was he calling him out in front of the whole class? why did he even care?

yonghee doesn't answer once again and jinyoung doesn't seemed pleased with his silence. he grasps at the front of his shirt and pulls him forward, face to face and chest to chest. the other grasps at his forearm. he's certain that he's about to have the shit beat out of him. he lets himself wonder for just a moment if jinyoung can feel how hard he's shaking. 

"you want to die for that?"

yonghee isn't sure if he's being threatened or if jinyoung knew what had pushed him to do this. he's almost certain that it has to be the former. there's no way that jinyoung cares that he was trying to kill himself because of a bad grade. he's sure he was just looking for someone to call out and pick on. 

suddenly he's being shoved once again. this time he hits the wall and drops to the floor. he's aching and hurting but he does nothing about it. he just pants, chest heaving and shoulders shaking, as he stays on the floor. he's too scared to get up. he doesn't think he can get up anyways. his knees would probably buckle and give out on him. 

jinyoung stares at him with his mouth agape as he takes harsh, deep breathes like he's trying to calm himself. his eyes seem to bore into yonghee and see straight into his soul. he drops jinyoung's gaze because it starts to creep him out that the other can see right through him. he knows what the teen can see. he knows he sees an aching, tired boy who doesn't want to live anymore. 

he stares down at his wrist; blood has already seeped into the white fabric of the long sleeve and is still dripping down his hand onto the floor. even though he's steadily bleeding, he's not going to die. the cuts weren't deep enough. jinyoung had apparently made sure he couldn't succeeded with this attempt either. damn bae jinyoung, damn him.

he leans his head back against one of the cubbies, ignoring how it thuds when his head hits it, as he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

what if jinyoung had come into class just a minute later? would he be dead? or would he still be in this particular situation?

what if jinyoung hadn't been paying attention and had decided to take that nap he had been wanting instead ? maybe yonghee would have succeeded. maybe he would have finally done what he's been wanting to do.

what if jinyoung hadn't called him out or stopped him? maybe he wouldn't be sitting here right now. maybe the only way he would be leaving this school in a body bag.

** _what if, what if, what if?_ **


End file.
